Sometimes, the best laid plans and parenting tricks are not enough to keep the trip to the grocery store, church, or movie theatre from going sour. Instead of trying to force the issue and forge ahead when misbehavior, crankiness or temper tantrums set in–it is a far better parenting choice to abort the activity and leave. Often, just taking a break and getting some fresh air is all you need, other times it may be a better choice to go home and finish the activity at another time.
I don’t know how many times I have been in a grocery store, or the library or wherever and watched a parent struggle to get a child who is spiraling out of control, back under control. The truth is, once it gets to a certain point, there is just no getting things back in order and the parent’s persistence in continuing the shopping trip, errand-running, etc. is just making it worse for the child and more unpleasant for all those people who are forced to endure the acting out–not to mention the parent’s frustration level. There is absolutely no “shame” in just admitting that things are out of control and leaving. As a matter of fact, you can often accomplish more with simply ending the activity than trying to forge on through.
By saying, “If you do XYZ behaviors, we will leave the store and go home” and then following through if the child commits those behaviors, you are building credibility and authority with your child. You are also using the “action, not words” parenting technique which is also quite effective. I think it is important for children to learn what behaviors are acceptable in a public place and which are not and instead of pleading, begging, and bribing–removing them from the activity carries a lot more punch.
Plus, believe it or not, it is better for your parental psyche and well-being too. I know (believe me, I Know) that it can be very un-fun to have to cut a trip to the grocery store short or leave a restaurant with a crabby child–but it is even worse to stay IN the situation with one. You can always return to the store without the kids or after they have had a nap AND next time the child will know that certain behaviors will not be tolerated or indulged (okay, maybe it will take more than once!)
Also: Be Prepared to Repeat Rules
Taking Away Priviledges–Making it Work
You Can Still Control the Environment–Even When You’re Away From Home