Being the loving Christian that you are, you take concern for an acquaintance or loved one. They are going through a dark time in their life and it looks like they really could use some help. As you put aside your own needs to help this other out, you become flustered from within. Though this person really appreciates your help and says they’re doing better since you came, they are still extremely needy of you. You are feeling drained, depleted. Your own chores and pleasures are on the back burner and all of the sudden you realize you need a way out!
You are not God. You were not designed to take on the responsibility of changing anyone but yourself. You might have gone into the situation with the right heart but now the both of you are in need of help. So where do you draw the line? Where do you go from here? How do you prevent it from happening again?
- Recognize your heart was initially in the right place. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15, NKJV). We are called to pray for one another and distribute to the needs of the saints. There has to be moderation though. We can’t be neglectful of our own families or allow our own health to suffer as a result (otherwise what good would we be to anyone?).
- Unless you’re a medical doctor, your job is not to fix people. People who want to be helped have to want to be better and be willing to take the help that’s graciously offered. What you can do is pray and ask the Lord to direct you in how to help them. Ask Him to bring to mind the right words to say and that He would touch them. Pray with the person and for them as well. Listen to them as long as you feel is appropriate, then perhaps, veer the subject to something else. Know when to cut the conversation or visit short.
- Provide them with tools that will help them to help themselves. If they are a Christian, suggest they go talk with someone at their church. Show them some scriptures that might bring them comfort. If you know of a good therapist or doctor, give them that information too. If they are not taking your suggestions and you find they are just wallowing, it’s time to be lovingly firm and remind them (if applicable) that they don’t have to feel the way they are and if they’re not wanting to take suggestions then you aren’t sure how you can be of help to them. You should be listening to them because it’s on your heart to, not because you feel like a dumping ground.
- In the event that someone is feeling suicidal and you feel like their life rests in your hands, please know that it doesn’t. It would be a horrible and selfish thing to put anyone in the middle of their own inner battle. Offer help, resources, prayer, whatever you need to. But if you feel like you’ve gone to the furthest extent you can to help and nothing seems to change, please know that their woes are between them and God. We are each responsible for our own emotions. Their choice to live or die is between them and God.
I hope this is helpful to someone. I imagine most of us have been in these positions before. God wants us to cast our cares upon Him, not others.
For more information on mental health issues, please visit Families.com’s Mental Health Blogs