It really comes down to a judgment call, but there are some specific situations that require immediate action when parenting a teenager:
* Self-injury, such as cutting or burning
* Tobacco/nicotine addiction
* Shoplifting/stealing
* Violence/aggression
* Anxiety
* Eating disorders
* Alcohol abuse/dependency
* Illicit/prescription drug use
These are cause for a full-blown fire alert. You need to get help for your teen immediately, no matter how much resistance your encounter. Allow me to add a few more that have long-term consequences and need to be immediately addressed:
Academic difficulties. Your teenager has another primary identity: student. It’s not just about reading, writing, and arithmetic; this is the age of learning how to learn. Not all kids handle this “assignment” well. There are a variety of conditions that can interrupt and interfere with your teenager finding success academically. I’m not talking here about becoming the class valedictorian or acing the SATs. Rather, I’m talking about experiencing the normal, graduated progression of learning that allows for your teen to reach academic markers of comprehension, retention, and application.
This isn’t just about getting into a college or technical school; how teenagers do academically is integrated into how well they do – or don’t – think of themselves. In so many ways, school is a competition – something teenagers respond to. It is a way they judge others and themselves. If your teenager is struggling academically, he or she is struggling personally, you cannot separate the two.
Bullying. Teenagers have the capacity for almost surgical cruelty. Teens are tied to peer pressure and acceptance, so those same peers can know exactly where to place the blow to do the most harm. With technology, the venues for injury have expanded, as well as the range of the humiliation and attack. If your teenager is being bullied, you need to take action to protect your child by putting a stop to the behavior. This is not how people should treat each other. Self-worth, boundaries, and courage are invaluable adult characteristics. If your teenager is bullying others, you also need to take action to protect your child by putting a stop to the behavior. Again, this is not how people should treat each other. Compassion, empathy, and sympathy are invaluable adult characteristics.
Pregnancy. This applies whether your teen is the mother or the father. As a Christian and as a father, I believe in the inherent value of life from the moment of conception. Creating another human being is one of the most consequential acts a person will ever make. There are vast emotional, relational, and spiritual consequences that need to be addressed. It changes everything, whether or not that life is carried to fruition. Your teenager will need immediate guidance and support.
The above is excerpted from Chapter 8 of my new book, The Stranger in Your House.