When it comes to marriage, we often refer to the ceremony as the bonds of holy matrimony. For many people, every part of that phrase has meaning – specifically the holy part. So what can you do when you and your fiancé are of two different faiths? What options do you have? Religion and politics are considered the two most divisive topics in the world when it comes to relationships.
There are some faiths that counsel against marrying outside the faith in order to promote and preserve harmony in the relationship. However, it’s up to you who you marry and whether you share the same faith, share different faiths, plan to convert or plan to practice your own individual forms of religion. Whatever your choices are, let’s talk about how to arrange a ceremony for two people of differing religions.
A Unique Opportunity
An interfaith couple is presented with a unique opportunity when it comes to their wedding ceremony. While many may view it as a nightmare of decision-making – do you marry in his faith? Do you marry in her faith? Do you choose a non-denominational or secular ceremony?
Sure, you could do all of that. But you don’t have to. First and foremost, an interfaith couple needs to sit down and discuss their values, their beliefs and their traditions. They need to identify what aspects are important to them and what faith means to them. Not only is it important to your wedding planning, but also it is important to your life planning.
When you understand what is important about each other’s religious beliefs, traditions and values – you will be able to respect and understand the needs that they generate. You will also identify what is crucial to each of you when it comes to a wedding ceremony. Yes, you may have to compromise – you may not be able to have a wedding in a Church and a Synagogue simultaneously – but it does not preclude you from either having members of each clergy present at a ceremony or having two separate ceremonies.
Marrying Your Beliefs
I bet you are seeing the unique opportunity available here. When an interfaith couple marries they are bringing not only the wealth of who they are, but also what they believe in to the mix of the marriage. Our beliefs, in large part, define who we are – but they also provide us with guidelines, expectations and goals.
If you are not certain about how to proceed, seek counseling with your religious authorities and other interfaith couples in your community. Seek not only their advice, but also the wisdom of their experiences. Listen with an open mind and open heart and then make the choices together.
I’ve known many successful interfaith couples. Their religion is deeply important to them and they may even practice their faith in different settings, but instead of dividing their marriage – they use it to enrich it. They have a deep respect for each other’s beliefs. They celebrate their holy days and they communicate their needs.
Your interfaith ceremony can be a powerful statement of the profound relationship you each have with the divine and how you communicate it. Ultimately, when it comes down to planning the ceremony – you both have to be happy with it and if it takes a little more time, a little more creativity and a little more open-mindedness to get you both there – then it is more than worth it.
Ultimately, marriage is an emotional, physical and spiritual connection between couples that have chosen to make this commitment to each other. The commitment does not require a shared religious belief – but it does require a shared belief in each other. What could be more divine or faith worthy – than two people of differing faiths finding love, happiness and solidarity with each other?
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