I am, by nature, a very positive person. So, I can get pretty resentful when individuals bring out my “negative side.” And, while I am a grown-up and I know some of the basics of diplomacy and how to cope and deal with difficult people—every once in a while there is someone who I absolutely, positively, do not and cannot manage to like. What then?
I have found that the few people who have set my teeth on edge are normally pretty negative people—those individuals (colleagues, clients, customers) who gripe and whine about everything and anything, refuse to take responsibility for things, refuse to do things because it might not be “their job” or “more than their share.” I know that it has been said that we recognize our own flaws in the things we don’t like about other people—but sometimes, I think a person can be so foreign to our value system and so completely icky, that it’s not really about recognizing your own flaws—but reacting to character traits, chemistry, or whatever that seems to be an absolute affront to the person we are.
Okay, now that I’ve got that little rant out of the way—I wanted you to know that I have definitely experienced individuals on the work front with whom I absolutely struggled to find one endearing or pleasant thing to focus on. However, since we’re all adults, that doesn’t excuse us—we still have to find a way to be professional and productive. But, how?
My number one “trick” is to avoid face-to-face contact at all costs. I don’t care if it does seem “chicken,” communicating via voice mail, e-mail and the handwritten note is far better than the combustible chemistry of someone you despise. I think it’s much easier to be professional if you don’t have to actually look and talk to someone you can’t stand. If face-to-face is necessary (say you’re dropping off a product or taking an order or involved in a meeting), I’m all for fantasy and projection. Imagining that the person is someone else, projecting positive qualities that don’t exist, going over song lyrics in your head—anything to take the focus off how much you’re seizing up having to be in the same room with the person.
I have an old friend who says that she prays and meditates extra hard for people she hates—both for them and for her ability to cope. I think this is another fine way of trying to turn something negative into a good thing. After all, all of our relationships are opportunities for growth and development. And, if we’re in business for ourselves, we have to learn to work well with a variety of individuals—so focusing on gathering our strength and meditating for the ability to cope with challenging people is one way to really push ourselves to grow through the experience.
Finally, I’ve found that when there’s nothing else to do, and you’ve just had a run-in with that absolutely unlikable person—a nice brisk walk can help to clear your head, give you the chance to rant and curse under your breath and get you out of the physical vicinity of THAT person. And, it helps you to remember that everything is really temporary.