I came across a very interesting scenario lately. A young woman who had been married for five years found herself in a sudden dilemma when her first love recently surfaced. While she loves her husband, she still has feelings for the ex, who was her first love. She recently began spending time with the ex and finds that her feelings aren’t going away. She is unsure what to do in her situation.
So what would you do here? There are a lot of options in this situation, but unfortunately, many of them would result in danger to the marriage. Here are my thoughts.
First of all, first loves can be powerful things. Young love is magical, exciting, amazing and sometimes not able to hold up in the real world (there are exceptions of course). Old loves can be surrounded by a cocoon of romantic thinking that makes everything seem perfect.
Often, there is little of the daily responsibility in a first love that comes with a mature, loving marriage.
Those old feelings are hard to let go of. Looking back on past relationships, we tend to put them in a more positive light than they actually were. There was a reason that the earlier relationship ended, but most of the time we forget or gloss over that part.
Another factor that makes ex relationships so attractive (and affairs as well) is that there is an element of adrenaline that comes from the panic, fear of getting caught, etc. First date studies have shown that activities that produce adrenaline (such as sky diving) can influence people to think that they are in love or that their partners are more attractive.
Regardless, the fact is that the young woman is already married to what appears to be an amazing man whom she loves. Pursuing the ex would put her life in uncertainty as well as hurt her husband, herself and probably even her family.
In my opinion, she should end all contact with the ex boyfriend and concentrate on life with her husband, seeking counseling if needed to help resolve her feelings.
What do you think?