Most of our friends and family have been thrilled by our decision to adopt. We have received lots of well-wishes, offers to baby sit, gifts for the children, etc. It is wonderful to receive this welcome for our children who are not even home yet.
There also have been those who don’t approve of our decision to adopt. We have received negative comments from some relatives (extended family mostly) as well as from a few neighbors and acquaintances. As a general rule, I don’t feel that these people handled their objections well. I’m not saying that they do not have a right to their concerns or their feelings on adoption, but instead that they chose to voice those in a way that was careless in some cases and downright rude in others. We have chosen to simply ignore most of these comments and to hope that these people will begin to come around once our children get home.
However, you may encounter a situation where you are uncomfortable about the person’s decision to adopt. It may be because you don’t approve of adoption or perhaps because you don’t feel that the potential adoptive parents are good candidates for adoption (or even parenting in general).
If you do feel that you need to raise your concerns to someone who is considering adoption, here is the best way to do it:
Set Aside Time to Talk
If you genuinely have a concern about someone’s plan to adopt, please do not show it by those little “comments” thrown into conversation. Instead, ask the potential adoptive parents if you can talk to them sometime. Choose a time when it is not busy or stressful and try to keep the conversation as positive as possible, while still voicing your concerns.
Be Gentle
Remember that deciding to adopt is similar to finding out that you are pregnant with a long-awaited child. The potential adoptive parents will be excited and full of dreams. When you voice your concerns, try to be gentle with those dreams.
Offer Solutions and Options
Don’t just say, “You shouldn’t adopt”. Make sure that you suggest solutions or other options. Perhaps you think that the potential adoptive parents should take a parenting class or spend more time around young children. Maybe you feel that they should work harder to become financially stable or perhaps you feel that they need to work on their marriage in order to be the best parents possible. Sometimes great adoptive parents can be created, so make sure you leave room for them to change and grow.