We often talk about how to cope with the demands of all the time constraints and responsibilities of single parenthood, but for many of us there are those times when our children are not with us. Whether we have to let them go for a weekend, a week or several months, dealing with the ache of missing our kids can be incredibly tough for a single parent…
When I was first divorced, I found being away from my kids for more than a day to be extremely hard. I had spent so much time as the primary parent and my kids had been with me 24/7 for years. To have to let them go, even for a weekend, was tough. I would often have a very productive “first day”—getting the house cleaned and catching up on errands and chores that were hard to get done with young children along, but then I would feel disoriented and miss them. They would often call me too and even though we chatted, I knew we were both missing each other. Still, years later, and with children who are nearly grown, it takes me a couple days to adjust when they leave for any length of time, or I have to travel for work. We still miss each other.
The best advice I can share is to NOT try to fight it—instead, acknowledging that you miss them and having safe, supportive people to talk to seems healthier than trying to pretend that you are not hurting. Write in a journal, paint, or find other ways of expressing your emotions instead of trying to bury or ignore them. I have also found that learning to nurture myself and develop new personal interests while my kids are away has helped. For me, that took some time and effort—I had to get used to being without them and then slowly start to nurture my own interests and activities again. There is a difference between trying to fill your time with distractions and busy work and actually using the time productively. We can learn to nurture ourselves and truly care for ourselves when we are missing our children instead of trying to fill our time with unhealthy distractions.
Try to remember that missing your kids is a GOOD thing; it really does mean that we love them and love having their lives entwined with us. They are missing us too and we can all learn healthy ways to move away and come back together while adjusting to the periodic distance that can be common in single parent families.
Also: Making Adjustments to Transfer Day