I read an article recently that said parents actually spend more time with their children than they did fifty years ago. And yet, we still feel the pressure to give more of ourselves and spend even more “quality” time with our kids. What is a parent to do when the guilts come on and we feel like we should be giving more of ourselves to our child or children?
I wrote last month about how I actually enjoy spending time with my kids and there are many times when I want to be with them just because I like them and I like being part of a family. But, there have also been plenty of times when my work or other life tasks got so kooky that I felt like I was barely spending any time with my kids. There have been other times when one or more of them was having a tough or hard time and I knew I needed to spend more time with them to help them through it. But, knowing I needed to give more of myself as a parent, and finding the time and way to do it was two different things!
I think the first step for a parent is to gain perspective and see if they really need to be spending more time with their child and who will benefit—is it for the child’s sake, or your own? There is no right or wrong here, it just helps to get a clear and accurate picture of what is going on so you can decipher if more time is really in order, or if you should try to do something special (an outing, conversation, an activity, etc.) in order to pay attention to what your instinct is telling you.
Our kids need us, and staying close and connected is important. But it is also important to keep things in perspective, alleviate the guilty feelings, and determine what is really going on when we feel those pangs and urges that we need to be giving more of ourselves to our child or children.
Also: We Can’t Do It All, Even If We Want To
Teaching Kids to Amuse Themselves
Are You a Needy or High Maitenance Parent?