One of my characteristics as a person is that I like to have things in control. I like stability, comfort and knowing what is around the corner. This can be both a positive thing and a negative thing. It can be positive when it motivates me to stay organized and get things done or make good decisions after doing all of the needed research. It can be bad, however, when I get upset when I can’t control things that can’t be or shouldn’t be controlled or when I nag my husband practically to death.
I recently learned this lesson in a big way, when we faced a family crisis. We got through it, and I saw both sides of the control thing, the positive and the negative. I was able to take over a lot of things that needed to be done and to do them well. I also had to let a lot of things go when they were impossibly out of my control.
I struggle with this issue of control in my marriage. I by no means have to control everything. But in one area I struggle. If, in my mind, my husband is taking too long to get something accomplished or is doing it the wrong way (again, according to my perspective), I have to fight the need to take over and get it done. I have to let him do it his way. Yes, sometimes things wind up not getting done, and sometimes they get done just at the last minute (squeaking by). And sometimes one of our children goes off to church wearing neon orange pants, but I try to let that all go. After all, my husband is a perfectly capable, perfectly conscientious and perfectly intelligent individual–at least perfectly enough for me.
If the consequences are huge if something doesn’t get done or if it involves an impact to the family (such as getting taxes in on time), I might volunteer to help. “I know you were going to go to the post office at lunch, but I don’t mind getting out, so do you want me to drop mail the stuff tomorrow?” In fact, I might insist. But if it is something that only has personal consequences (such as running out of a needed personal item), I’ll still offer to help, however; if the answer is no, I try to remain silent and fight my desire to take over.
Does anyone else struggle with this in their marriage or personal life?