Sometimes it seems like my life is a long, continuous string of parent-teacher conferences, one right after the other. Today I had three, and the last one was for my sixth grader, Riley, who, for the purposes of this blog, we might just call “Mr. Perfectionist.”
His teacher sat across from us at a long table, where she pushed several papers over toward me. “Any questions about his grades?” she asked.
“Yes… well… they don’t seem indicative of his abilities,” I said. “I’m wondering what you think is going on.” This was becoming a trend for Riley. Although his grades were decent, they didn’t match his high intellect and creativity.
In His Own Sweet Time
“As you know, Riley is a perfectionist,” the teacher said. “And because of that, he’s just not completing his work on time. It takes him much longer than his classmates to finish. He’s got to make sure his handwriting is immaculate, and that every answer is right. That takes a while.”
I knew what she was talking about. I had observed for myself that every homework assignment for Riley was a painstaking attempt to get a perfect score, draw the perfect picture, or construct the perfect map. He was meticulous in every way. This tendency to do things just-so was part of his inner-psyche. In his bedroom, his desk is perfectly arranged, and frequently I will find him reorganizing it and straightening things. Every book must be lined up just right, and every collectible item must be perfectly placed. Fortunately, this perfectionism causes him to manage his diabetes with excellent control. (Although I would call Riley a “perfectionist,” he does not have OCD or anxiety problems.)
Homework Help
Riley does his homework, but is often frustrated by it. “I have so much homework,” he’ll say with exhaustion. “Why do I have more homework than anyone else in the family?” The truth is that what should be an hour of work, for him often stretches on for three or more. And that’s just too much work for a sixth-grader. I explained this to his teacher, and she was very willing to offer help.
“From now on,” she suggested, “if he’s been actively working on something for an hour, just sign the top of the paper and call it finished. I’d rather he just demonstrate mastery in a subject without bogging him down with busy work.” She then suggested that I get a 504 plan in place prior to his starting junior high school. This would make him eligible for classroom accommodations, such as allowing him to skip every other problem or have some additional time to finish his work.
Should “Perfectionist” Kids Get Special Accommodations?
A 504 plan? For a “perfectionist?” This was new to me. “Doesn’t he have to have a condition diagnosed by a doctor for a 504 plan?” I asked her. After all, Riley was certainly not developmentally delayed. The teacher explained that we were talking about a personality trait, and that I could document this tendency using her notes and observations, along with those of previous teachers. The condition didn’t need a diagnostic name; we only needed to demonstrate that it was interfering with his ability to complete schoolwork.
I thanked her, and Riley and I went on our way. Yet as we drove home, I wondered whether I would pursue the 504 or not (more on 504s in a blog to follow). Would giving Riley special accommodations put him at a disadvantage later on? I mean, would a college professor say, “Oh I understand, you’re a perfectionist. I’ll cut your assignment in half, and give you extra time.” I doubt it. So wouldn’t it be better to help Riley learn better ways to manage his time and diffuse his intense need for perfection, so that he could complete his work like everyone else?
I’ll be pondering this for a while. What do you think?
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.