Taking your partner to meet your parents for the first time can be a tense event for all parties. Expectations, interests, personalities, histories and how well someone is feeling at that particular moment can all play a part as you bring together the people you love in one place. Your partner’s nervousness is understandably that of someone who wants to be approved of and your parents’ nervousness stems from wanting to like this person you found important enough to bring to see them.
But what if the best laid plans of mice and men go awry and while your partner may not have noticed anything amiss, you did. You know your own parents and how to rate their emotional responses, you’ll know very quickly if they are natural in their polite welcome or if it’s particularly forced.
Sometimes, your parents will come right out and let you know how much they don’t like the partner and sometimes, it will be more cold, non-committal responses. If you feel it strongly enough and even after a reasonable ‘get to know them’ period has passed and the feeling remains, then it’s time to talk to your family. Your parents will likely have their reasons, whatever they might be, for their antipathy, distrust, reluctance or even plain simple non-interest.
Talk to them constructively and try not to feel immediately on the defensive. Accept that sometimes people’s personalities just do not mesh well together. If your parents have objections, hear them out and then calmly, always calmly, talk to them about it. It could be something as simple as a misunderstanding or it could be a very real problem. If in talking to them, you cannot validate their feelings or you still disagree. Remind them that this is the person that you care for and that you are happy, but be certain that you are — because to be honest, lying to the parents never works as well as people like to think that it does.
Attempt to find some common ground that your parents and your partner can relate on and remember, you might want your parents to love the person you love, but you can’t force them too. All you can is request that they respect your choice and attempt to get past whatever bias or concern that holds them in check.
And remember, ultimately your parents love you very much and have your best interests at heart. You will not always agree on what those best interests are, but you can agree to disagree and in the best of relationships – that’s the most adult way to go.