There are moments in your marriage when your spouse may disappoint you. If this happens, it is sometimes hard to know how to deal with the disappointment without making things much worse.
Disappointment can come in many forms and be minor or major. it could be as simple as forgetting to pick something up at the store or a complicated as an extramarital affair. In some of the most difficult situations, the disappointment in your spouse can actually change the way you look at your spouse. Perhaps you never thought that he or she could do something that would disappoint you. Your view of your spouse’s character may have changed. You may view his character as less than you thought.
When your spouse disappoints you, the first thing that you need to do is to examine why you feel disappointed. Were you asking too much of your spouse? Did you have over-inflated expectations? For minor disappointments, it might be best to let things go. Is it really worth the stress and strife if your spouse forgot your boss’s name at the company picnic? If you feel that your disappointment is valid and needs to be addressed, then the next step is to deal with the issue with your spouse.
Communication is key in marriage, whatever the situation. Express your feelings to your spouse and be specific. Don’t nag or complain, but do be gently honest. Chances are that either your spouse hasn’t realized that he has disappointed you or he already feels incredibly guilty. Putting him on the defensive will only make things worse. Disappointment by a loved one is a powerful motivator for change.
Next, you have to personally deal with the disappointment. Can you learn to forgive and forget? Can you get past the old expectations of your spouse and forge ahead with a new outlook? That is something that only you can decide. Also ask yourself and your spouse if there is something that the two of you can put in place so that the same disappointment won’t occur again.
You can read more articles by Mary Ann Romans when you click here.
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