You often hear women joke that men have ‘selective hearing.’ But sometimes it is not a joke. Have you ever felt like that what you say to your spouse is not getting through to them? Whether it’s sex, work, household chores, friends and time spent with them, hobbies –the topic doesn’t matter particularly, if it’s a problem it needs to be talked about in a calm, reasonable manner that is non accusatory and blaming. But what if you’ve done that? Your spouse has appeared to be listening, made all the right noises, agreed things need to change and then…. Nothing happens. The situation remains the same.
You begin to wonder if your spouse ever heard a word you said. Sometimes in the forum, I hear some of you have experienced such problems. It could mean that that your spouse hasn’t heard you, not really. They made what sounded like appropriate responses but it’s gone in one ear and out the other. They haven’t retained the information. It could be that they never realized how important the situation was to you.
In either of these cases, you could bring up whatever the problem is again. And hope for a better response. You might say ‘This is a really important issue for me.’ Because men and women tend to think and react differently and women on the whole are more emotional (yes I hate generalizations but sometimes it’s true) it could be that what you’re seeing as a major issue, he views as just a little blip on his radar screen. Of course, the reverse might also be true.
So the first point of communication is establishing the severity of the situation and how it is making you feel.
The second is trying to talk about it again rationally without letting resentment and anger build up. Otherwise it will show up in tone and voice.
If the situation still doesn’t change, then you need to decide whether there are enough positives in the relationship that you can live with things the way they are. If not, you will need to decide whether you need to take more drastic measures to change it.
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