The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong – Mahatma Gandhi
Whether you are religious or spiritual, you likely believe in some reality that transcends the limitations of our mortal coil. So much of what happens to us may seem out of our control – an illness in the family, being laid off from a job, allergies, caring more for someone than that someone cares for us.
It can be easy to get angry at the universe or the Divine and to close yourself off from any possibilities of happiness. For some of us, it can be difficult not to blame the universe for these horrible injuries to our hearts and to the world around us because why else is there sexual abuse? Broken love affairs? Murders? Neglect? Child abuse?
Pain and misery exist in our world and sometimes, it exists in our relationships. I know a woman who fell in love, planned her wedding and instead of marrying her fiancé, she ended up burying him because he died from an aneurysm.
I know others who fell in love with people who did not return the affection. I’ve seen still others turn themselves inside out to change in order to win the attentions of another, only to discover not only do they get the person they’ve set their cap for – they don’t know themselves anymore.
When the scale of the suffering seems so large? How do we not try to blame the universe for it, because otherwise the powerlessness might suffocate us?
Forgiveness Empowers Us Once More
The world is a pretty awful place sometimes. A year ago, my husband and I were having a difficult time. We couldn’t seem to communicate with each other well and it was a very lonely time for us. At the same time, the devastation of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita were cutting a swath across the gulf areas and New Orleans.
I remember that in a moment of clarity as I read the news that while we had a lot of problems and I felt pretty powerless – it was nothing compared to what these people were experiencing. I can get mad at the universe about our problems and the fact that we were having so much trouble, or I could be grateful that despite these troubles – we could still resolve them, we still had a roof over our head, our daughter was still healthy and the two of us still had time to fix things. We had time to forgive each other and we could still affect our own lives. So while we may be suffocating in an unkind world – forgiveness is a way of empowering ourselves and our marriages. It can empower all of our relationships.
We may not know why things happen. We can’t explain why a hurricane devastates a city or a war thousands of miles away claims the lives our soldiers and leaves widows, widowers and orphans behind. We can’t always know why one child gets cancer and another doesn’t. We can’t explain everything – but we can forgive, we can accept and we can affect the things that we can. So even when you’re mad at the universe or the divine, you need to remember that your anger is your choice and so is your forgiveness.
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