For many families the holiday season is not all holly and jolly. Because it brings up the yearly debate of where they will spend the holidays. When a couple marries they now have two families that vie for their attention, love, and time. This can be especially difficult when both spouses are close to their families and both families want their time for the holidays. But it is important that you work out an agreement on where to spend the holidays that you can both live with. If you do this early in your marriage it will resolve a lot of future conflict.
When my husband and I got married in October we decided that we needed to determine how we would spend the holidays each year. So we decided that first year that we would spend Thanksgiving with his family, the day after with mine, Christmas Eve with his, and Christmas with mine. The next year we switched. I think it was a lot harder for me spending Christmas away from home than it was for him. But I realized that the only way to prevent conflict was to share the holidays with both families. Since we decided it upfront both families knew exactly what to expect and there was no debate or hurt feelings.
Many families that have relatives on both sides that live close visit both families every holiday. Since our families live two hours apart it was not feasible for us to spend time with both families on the same holiday. I am actually grateful for that. This meant that we could devote the entire day to one family. We didn’t have to worry about meeting a deadline or not being hungry for the next big meal. I have friends that used to visit both families. But after having children decided it was too hard, especially when you are trying to work around naps. So now they spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other.
After we had children and moved five hours away from our families we decided that visiting for Christmas was too difficult. Now we stay at home for Christmas and have developed our own family traditions. Although at times I miss being with family it is nice sharing the day with my husband and three kids. Since my parent’s children are all married they have come and stayed with us at Christmas before.
Now at Thanksgiving we still rotate the family that we spend Thanksgiving with. Then we go and visit the other family later in the weekend. This way we see both families. My siblings all rotate holidays as well, so every other Thanksgiving we are all together.
This year we are going to my mother-in-law’s for Thanksgiving. My son was disappointed because usually he has no cousins to play with. And although he loves his Grandma her house is small and there is not much to do. But thankfully his cousins are driving down from Washington this year. Which means the house will be busting at the seams, with 6 adults and 7 kids in a 1200 square foot home, but it will be more fun for our kids.
Where do you spend the holidays?
See the related topic in the Families.com Forum: Which side of the family?