When Hailey was born many times I wished for a manual. Something that would guide me and let me know if I was doing the right thing. Eventually, I learned enough about my baby that she was able to tell me what she needed and together, we figured this thing out.
However when I got divorced I was once again looking for that manual. What do I do first? What kind of relationship should I have with my ex husband? Where should we live? Is it ok for Hailey to change schools? What if my ex misses his weekend with Hailey, what do I say to her? When is it ok for me to start dating? How much responsibility should Hailey have now that our lives are different? When is it ok for her to stay alone after school?
Those questions were just the tip of the iceberg. I worried that I was doing everything wrong. Prior to the divorce I had felt pretty confident in my parenting skills but as a single parent I was lost. How much should I let Hailey cling to me and how do I keep myself from clinging too tightly to her?
It’s amazing the changes that you go through during a divorce. Your fiercely independent child suddenly doesn’t want you out of her sight. Your clingy son now wants nothing to do with you. So many times I found myself holding on to Hailey so tightly because she was the one constant in my life.
I know Hailey felt the same way. The first year after the divorce she slept with me every night. Everyone told me not to encourage that but I have to admit, it was comforting to me to. I had never lived alone now suddenly I was in an apartment with just a ten year old. What if someone broke in? What if there was a fire? It was comforting to know that Hailey was right next to me. I’m sure it brought the same comfort to her.
There is no manual but there is plenty of advice when you get divorced. You still have to follow your instincts and do what you feel is best for your child. You may not always get it right, but if you are making your decisions based on the love you have for your child, you really can’t be that wrong.