For a child who doesn’t handle change well, divorce can be a huge setback. They are experiencing so many changes all at once that they can easily be overwhelmed with the emotion of everything. As young children they have not yet learned how to express what they are feeling and as a result often lash out. This is common even in children whose parents are still together. However, a divorce is often the trigger because of the intensity of the changes that they are going through.
I remember how hard those first few months were for my son. All of the sudden, Daddy was gone, then we had to move in with Grandma and Grandpa, then Mommy started school, then he started daycare, it was one thing after the other those first couple of months. It was a hard adjustment for me as an adult; I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for a little child who couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him. I felt so guilty because of what he was going through. He struggled as we were both trying to adjust to the new changes in our lives, but things tapered out after a while and became more normal for us.
This last month has been another hard one. I’ve always hated change; it must be genetic, because I’m pretty sure Logan hates it even more than I do. He is a creature of habit. He likes routine. He thrives on structure. So when he had all of these changes placed in front of him again these last couple of weeks, he’s started going a little crazy. What once was a sweet little obedient child is now a little monster. He’s acting out because even if it is negative attention it is still attention. He is not sure how to handle this new schedule. He’s started back to daycare and because of my school schedule it is significantly more time than he is used to. His dad hasn’t been coming around as much because of obligations at work and his visitation schedule is all messed up. Anytime there are a lot of changes placed in front of a child it is natural for them to feel uneasy and express that in inappropriate ways. When this happens it is important to give them an outlet for their emotions, whether it is scribbling on a piece of paper or squeezing a pillow, they need a way to express themselves. Try to be patient with them. It may seem like an alien has kidnapped your sweet little child, but this too shall pass. They won’t be a monster forever. They are still learning how to cope with the stress they are feeling inside. It may be a hard transition for a little while, but take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok!