My kids don’t know it, but I get almost as much support from them as they get from me. I’m not talking about a role reversal where I expect my kids to tend to my emotional needs or look after me or parent themselves–I’m just talking about the fact that having a family to care for and tend to gives me guidance and support in ways I might not otherwise have. Looking after a family has a way of holding me up…
My kids have the ability to take me out of my head and away from my worries and stresses without their really knowing it or intending to. Having to focus on their needs, or even just fix dinner and listen to a story of some typical teenage drama can help me get back into the land of the living when I’m feeling like things are getting to be too much. I can’t even tell you how a simple, “Do you want to watch a movie with me, Mom?” on a stressful and overwhelming day can sound like I’ve just won an all-expense-paid vacation!
Maybe single parenthood has caused me to lower my expectations (or maybe my expectations are higher than is normal or healthy–at least when it comes to what I expect from myself), but the structure of family life often feels like the only thing holding me up during really tough times. Despite the challenges and the difficult teenage behaviors, my kids have no idea how much support I actually get on a daily basis–just from sharing my life with them. A joke or a hug, or teasing me about some little personality quirk that only someone who lives with me would know–all these seemingly simple things bring me into the ordinary day and that helps me to feel buoyed to face life’s challenges.
See Also: Sometimes, I Actually Prefer My Kids’ Company