When I talk with other single parents, one of the things that come up again and again is how we often feel like we can’t win—there are so many situations in the life of a single parent’s life where we end up feeling like the “bad guy.” Why is it that the ones who are most involved and dedicated to family should end up feeling like the “bad guy”? After all, aren’t we really the good guys?!
Even in the years when I was married to my children’s father, I was the primary parent. That wasn’t the way I wanted it, but I was really the day in, day out, every day parent. He has always been the one for outings, spending money, and activities. This makes him really more the “fun” and the “good” guy and I think he really enjoys that position. But, it means that since I’m the one taking care of the unglamorous stuff and being the one who says “no” that I often get cast as the bad guy.
I know other parents who are in the position of having to explain why the other parent isn’t available or cover for them when they don’t show up or do what they are supposed to. Again, who is really the “bad guy” and who is the “good guy”—it isn’t easy and it takes some rather thick skin to get used to doing what is best for our children without getting the glory.
I don’t think there are any easy answers to this good guy/bad guy dilemma. I admit there have been periods in the past several years when just once, I would have liked to be the glamorous favorite; the one with all the extra income or gifts or vacations. But that isn’t the way things have turned out. I have to do what is right for my kids regardless and that means meetings with schools and filling out paperwork and making dentist appointments. Still, I know a lot of single parents who would love to scream, “I’m not the bad guy here!”
Also: Trust Yourself
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