The following entry contains some suggestive material, please do not be offended. It is offered as a way to help develop a deeper intimacy with your spouse.
Do you have fantasies? We all do. Sometimes it can be difficult to share fantasies out loud. Surprisingly, it can be hard to share our intimate fantasies with our spouses. Our spouse may find it difficult to express their fantasies with us. Even in the most open relationships where communication is strong, it can be hard for a husband and wife to discuss fantasies they may have for fear of offending the other.
I understand how that feels because even after ten years of marriage, it can be disconcerting to discuss the idea of a sexual or intimate fantasy with my husband. He is less reserved and has fewer inhibitions about bringing up his own ideas. The reasons why it can be hard include feelings of embarrassment and fear – fear of rejection, fear of humiliation and fear of denigration.
One of the worst things I ever did was laugh at one of my husband’s suggestions. While I thought it sounded rather funny; he was hurt and emotionally, he felt rejected. I apologized, because after he told me how he felt – unfortunately, my reaction was genuine and even though I regretted how it made him feel – it was hard for me to take him seriously.
Be Patient
It took us some time and some practice to actually be able to discuss our fantasies and our ideas. We’ve made a rule to never laugh at each other and if we are uncomfortable with one, then we are free to say so. It’s important to never demand your spouse accommodate you in a manner they are not comfortable with. It’s equally important to respect that their fantasies are very much their own and should be respected as such.
If you are curious, but uncertain of how to proceed, allow me to offer you a suggestion. When my husband and I began to explore the idea of sharing our fantasies with each other – both intimate and otherwise. We wrote them down. In the beginning, it was easier to write about them and discuss them afterwards.
I think there is a deep reward to be found in the connection you make with your spouse. Whether you ever decide to act out the fantasies or not – the simple act of sharing them is profoundly intimate and I think it has made our relationship stronger. It has also deepened our trust. So, if you’ve ever wondered – who was that masked man – talk to your spouse — you may be in for a very pleasant surprise.