My teenagers are not entirely convinced that I am always on their side. My son will say, dripping with sarcasm, “Thanks for having my back, Mom!” when I react to a phone call from school or offer guidance or correction to his behavior. While they are nearly grown and maturing so many ways, they still are very much like younger kids when it comes to understanding that I really AM on their side, even when I’m standing in the way of them doing what they want to do.
In my son’s world, true loyalty means that I would support and stick up for him regardless of what he does. Well, that’s how it is in my world too. I do support him regardless, HOWEVER, I’m also the parent and the one who has to say “No” and correct his misbehaviors and choices. For him, especially when he is questioning authority at school, my job should be to go to battle for him and with him. Now, I’ve tried to explain to him that there are plenty of times I have been in there doing battle for him and with him—but I’m not going to defend his “right” to be a disruption or make poor choices. You can imagine how developmentally we just aren’t on the same page when it comes to what “being on your side” actually means.
I often find myself thinking of that classic teen movie “Rebel Without a Cause” when I’m living the life of parent of teenagers. I can remember very well what it felt like to be a teen and all the angst and turmoil I went through. While it gives me empathy and understanding, I’m quite clear that this time around I’m the parent. I remember in that movie that the Jim Stark character is torn between needing and wanting his parents’ involvement and wanting to handle the difficult world on his own. And, the parents are torn about just how to be involved—are they supportive or disciplinarian? Well, in reality, we’re called upon to do both, and that’s not always easy!
All I can hope is that in a matter of years, or some day, my kids will realize that despite the kookiness of the adolescent years, I really have been on their side all along.
See Also: Why Not Blame Mom? and I’m Not Stupid, Mom!