I was recently asked to take a “personality test” and one of the questions was “Do you consider yourself the boss at your house/” What a deliciously fun question! It made me think back over the past twenty years and realize that I would have answered that question differently at different stages in my adult life…
As a newly-married, idealistic young woman–I think I would have been offended and indignant by such a question! Of course there were no “bosses” at our house, we were two equal, egalitarian, young independent people. We had our very carefully designed schedule of who was doing what chores and handling which responsibilities clearly posted on our nearly-empty refrigerator. No sexism or power struggles in our modern relationship!
Well fast-forward five years and the arrival of the first baby. I would have to say for the first year, SHE was definitely the boss. Everything revolved around our learning to be parents, adjusting our previously egalitarian household to allow for the addition of this new dependent life–her schedule, her likes and dislikes, her personality. It was just the beginning of the period when I felt like I was anything but in control of my own life or my own house.
Over time, I did get my footing again and started to get in as much of a parenthood groove as any woman with three kids and a dying marriage can get into. There were a few years there when I don’t think anyone was really in charge–or the game kept changing so rapidly the boss’s chair was being moved around too. But now, I answered the question with a definitive, “Yes”–even though my household is increasingly egalitarian with the teenagers now, I’m very securely the “head of household” around here. It’s nice. I find I kind of like being in charge and not having to battle it out with anyone for authority and responsibility. I’m okay with being a benevolent dictator.
How about your house? Who’s in charge? Who’s the boss in your household?