No one has a one size fits all answer to this question, but there are various issues that all work together to make divorce the easy out when it comes to struggling marriages. One of the biggest reasons so many couples divorce is because they begin marriage with unrealistic expectations. There are no fairy tales. Happily ever after is not the stuff that real world marriages are made of.
This is not to say that happy marriages don’t exist. It is simply to point out that no marriage is perfectly blissful every day, week, month, and year. Happy marriages take work and commitment. Unfortunately, many people don’t want to do the work.
There are legitimate and even serious reasons for divorce as well. Abuse is one, whether that means abuse of a spouse or of children. Nobody I know is going to stay married to someone who abuses his or her children, and more people are beginning to see that they don’t deserve or have to put up with personal abuse either.
Infidelity is another legitimate reason. The vows of marriage have been broken. Even most religions view adultery as an acceptable reason to dissolve a marriage, although some marriages can survive affairs. There are many real reasons, however, these issues are not the ones that need to be addressed.
It is blasé or casual decisions to end marriages that should concern us. Why do people bother getting married if “Hey, I can always get a divorce if it doesn’t work out,” is their attitude. Guess what? It won’t work out. No marriage works itself out and it definitely won’t be worth trying to save if one or both spouses have a “starter marriage” or “disposable relationship” mentality.
Too many times people claim that they simply cannot live together. They think that finding a new mate will make everything right. The truth is they take their problems, their bogus expectations, and all their other baggage with them into the next relationship. The sad fact is that more remarriages fail than first marriages, and it’s because many people don’t resolve issues and work through problems, they simply restart the same cycle.
Happy marriages require consistent effort on the part of both spouses. Throw away attitudes coupled with unrealistic expectations are two huge elements in the downfall of marriage but they do provide a lucrative source of income for divorce lawyers.