We all have our triggers. I find that even though years have passed (or maybe because years have passed) and I have put my divorce and my former life comfortably behind me, I still have some triggers when it comes to my children’s other parent. One of the things that irk me is when he refers to “his” kids or calls them “our” kids. Isn’t that a silly and obvious thing to be getting all worked up about?
Alright, so I don’t really get “all worked up” about it, it is more like the grating of fingernails on a chalkboard. I think that even though they are technically “our” children and it is perfectly reasonable and healthy for them to be claimed by both sides of their families, I think of them as mine. I think of the four of us as a family unit. I know intellectually that they feel connected to both and think of their “family” as including all the people on both sides, but in my mind, I am not a part of THAT family and they are not a part of mine. They’re my kids!
The more the years pass and the more happy and comfortable I am in my lifestyle and family scene, the stranger it is for me to imagine that there was ever anything else. I know in many ways it is the same for my kids—they share that remembering when we all lived together seems somewhat surreal. I know in my heart of hearts that these three kids are attached to their father to, but I sure do get triggered when he claims them as his own or talks about “us” and “we” as if he and I are sharing in their parentage (even though we actually do). My problem, I know, but the reality of being a single parent is that we often have little triggers that are left over from our former family incarnations.
Also: Do You Coordinate Gifts with Your Child’s Other Parent?
How Friendly do You Have to Be with the Ex?