I hear from parent after parent who wants to know how to “force” a child to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do: force to take formula when he prefers breast milk (or vice versa), force to go to bed at a certain time, force to wear a certain type of clothes, force to play a specific sport or do an activity that he or she doesn’t like. I cannot help but wonder why all of these parents are working so hard to force something and wondering whether it is in the best interest of the child after all?
Let us look at the inevitable results of pulling rank and working to force something like a type of food or activity or a specific schedule—either the child can give in and we will all live happily ever after, or stress, pain, suffering, power struggles, and fights will ensue. This is not to say that a parent should just give in and let the child be the ruler of the roost, but I do think there are those times when forcing our own ideas and ideals of what we want our child to do does more damage than good.
While I do expect parenting to be a lot of work, I think we can make things much harder on ourselves by trying to force our child to do things that go against her nature or try to make him “like” and “prefer” things that he just doesn’t. How many children who were forced to sit at the table until they ate cold and rubbery Brussels sprouts at dinner actually developed a love for the vegetable or an appreciation of the parent as food dictator? How many parents have tried to force babies to go to bed at a certain time or cry things out in the middle of the night—only to find that they are wide awake and the sleep cycles for both parent and child are all askew?
Sometimes, I do think that we need to pull rank and try to get our child to see our point of view, but there are other times when we are fighting the unwinnable fight and by trying to force our child to do things our way, we are creating a rift that will be hard to heal and setting a precedent for power struggles.
Also: Stubborn or Strong-willed?