When I finally made the confession that I’m a stay-at-home wife, I alluded to the fact that I felt guilty and suggested that I was embarrassed of my status. It’s true. Guilty as charged.
But why?
The Way I Was Raised
The reason for that is because of my mom. In “Another Reason I’m Married Without Children”, I explained how my mom didn’t like kids and looked down on motherhood.
But it went beyond that.
I don’t know if she was a feminist, but she had feministic tendencies for sure. It was drilled into my head from an early age that I’d go to college and be a career woman. School and education were of utmost importance. A’s were expected, B’s were tolerated, but C’s were completely unacceptable.
Interestingly, the only time she didn’t care that I got a C was when I squeaked one out in seventh grade Home Ec. (And I do mean squeaked. I very nearly failed! To this day I don’t know why the teacher took pity and gave me that C.)
My mom’s mentality was: “Who cares about that class? Get a good enough job and you can afford to eat out every night and have other people do your mending and cleaning.”
Society
“You stay at home all day? What a waste!”
I get this a lot. In the article Jade sent me, some of the women interviewed explained how sometimes they get this reaction too. And even fellow Families.com blogger Andrea Hermitt left a comment admitting how she’d felt societal pressure, too.
We’re all supposed to be productive. That means we’re all supposed to have jobs we go to everyday. Until I stayed at home I never knew how deeply this was ingrained in my psyche.
I don’t know if Andrea’s ever faced this next dilemma, but I’ve also been chided about how my fore-sisters fought and fought hard for my right to work and how dare I disrespect them by staying home to care for my husband.
I thought it was curious that one of the stay-at-home wives in the article also brought this up. But from the perspective of how she feels guilty about it herself, not so much because anyone’s thrown it in her face.
But let me tell you, just because I’m home doesn’t mean I’m not being productive. Sometimes being a stay-at-home wife is a job. (Complete with a manager and everything.)
I once wrote about all the things I do for my husband. That’s work. And it frees him to concentrate on his work.
As they say, “behind every good man…”
Other Women
Yet, I’m often looked down upon, especially by working professional women, because they see it as a weakness that I’m subservient to my man.
I know that’s not the way it is. We have a very complimentary relationship actually. But because I am financially dependent on him I’m therefore somehow less than in their eyes.
Maybe I am. After all, I recognized early on mine wasn’t a disposition fit for the cut-throat business world. For a long time I did feel guilty about that. And troubled. And embarrassed.
But not anymore. Taking Mary Ann’s suggestion, I’m claiming who I am and saying it loud and proud.
Because I’ve found strength in numbers, which is why I say Jade’s helping to heal me. There’s no better feeling than knowing you’re not alone in this world. It’s empowering!
So if you’re a stay-at-home wife too, here’s my salute to you!
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