Evaluating potential dates and partners gets even tougher when one is a single parent. Perhaps that is why we spend a fair amount of time as single parents talking about dating—the hows, whys, and other tips that only come from experience. One thing that does occur is that our expectations raise—we really need to choose dates and potential partners from those adults who are total grown-ups. It may seem unfair that our expectations have to be so high and it may definitely cause some contention when the other person realizes that we have different expectations for our children than we do for the date. One of those areas of contention might be the fact that we expect our children to be jealous of the time we spend dating or with other friends, but we really can’t have dates that are jealous of the time we spend with our kids…
I suppose it is unreasonable to expect that the date won’t ever feel twinges of jealousy—but I think it is reasonable for us to expect them to deal with it and not make it a major issue in the relationship. After all, jealousy is rather common and a sign of personal insecurities. BUT, as the parent, we really have to attend to our children’s emotional insecurities and shouldn’t have to do that for another adult. Does this sound unfair? Maybe—if our children and our dates are expected to be at the same level of emotional maturity. But, the truth is, the dates should be grown-ups while the children are children. We are primary caretaker and the one who needs to provide reassurance, guidance, and emotional support for our children, while we may be called upon to provide emotional support for someone whom we are SERIOUSLY dating; we cannot be expected to “parent” them on the same scale.
A little bit of jealousy on the part of a potential partner or romantic interest might be typical, but it can be a way for us to determine who is a worthy dating partner and who is not. Those who pit themselves against our children or get envious and jealous when we need to take care of a child’s needs are most likely not mature enough to be a good match for a single parent.
Also: Treated Well in Front of the Kids
Dating a Single Parent? Flexibility and Ability to Roll with Things a Must