Why do kids misbehave? This is the age-old question parents have asked themselves since the dawn of time. In, Raising Great Kids in a Tough World, four typical reasons kids misbehave are identified. They are for attention, power, revenge and assumed inadequacy.
Attention
Kids crave attention and don’t care if the attention is negative or positive. Kids may misbehave when there is a new sibling or when parents spend too much time working or in activities that exclude the child. Tyler has remarked to me several times that he wished I would get a “regular” job so that I don’t have to work all the time. Never mind the perks I get as a writer and our semi-celebrity status here in Mobile-especially since I have been freelancing for the local paper’s three new specialty publications. Just last week someone walked up to me because he recognized our photo from a story about our experience with Hurricane Katrina. We’re treated like royalty at the library and most people get excited when they find out I’m a writer. And although Tyler seems to bask in the glow of this attention (his photo has appeared in two different issues of the magazine I’m writing for), sometimes he does act out when he’s excluded from work-related activities.
To remedy this situation, I try to involve him as much as I can in what I am doing. Like taking him on interviews with me when appropriate, and photographing him for articles (he will be featured in two additional articles so far). And each day I make sure to incorporate time into my day just for Tyler- uninterrupted focused time.
Power
Don’t engage in power struggles with your kids. Some kids love to try to pull your strings or engage you in battle. Struggles include battles over meals, homework, etc. There’s no reason why a parent should battle daily with their child over doing their homework. Let the child pay the price for not having it done. Same is true with food. Many times Tyler will try to engage me in a battle because he does not want what I have cooked. If he refuses to eat, then he goes hungry. And when he’s ready to eat, he eats the aforementioned prepared meal.
Revenge
No parent wants to think that their little angel is sitting around plotting how to get back at them for a perceived wrong. But some kids are revenge-seekers. They may seek revenge for many reasons especially when they feel they have been wronged or hurt. This includes when parents divorce, not being able to spend the night at a friend’s house or not being able to get a toy they want.
Assumed Inadequacy
Some kids misbehave because they have been told that they can’t behave so they stop trying. It’s the old self-fulfilling prophesy. Parents have to be especially careful what they say to their kids. We want to build up their self-esteem, not tear it down.
The next time your child misbehaves, take a moment to ask yourself what his motivation is. Knowing the reason behind your child’s misbehavior will make it easier for you to deal with the situation at hand.
See also:
Using Brain Dead Phrases to Nip Power Struggles in the Bud