There are plenty of things that I DO have control over in my little world, but, alas, far fewer things than my teenagers would actually like to think I have control over. When in doubt, blame mom! It’s all mom’s fault that the hot water heater has run out of hot water after two long teenage-showers, it’s mom’s fault that the store was out of someone’s favorite brand of cereal or type of bread, and it’s certainly mom’s fault that someone didn’t get up on time and missed the bus to school. Who else, really? Who else, but mom?
My son is convinced that my refusal to take the “blame” for all of these things is an acquiescence on my part, a running away from responsibility, if you will. Since there is really no point in arguing with the irrational rantings of a fourteen-year-old, my calm demeanor and refusal to become embroiled in his drama only further proves his point that I am to blame for all uncomfortable, unpleasant, and challenging things that happen in the world. Last week when I had a call from his principal about some of his behavior choices, somehow, in his mind, it was mom’s fault for not “having his back.” There’s just no arguing with this stuff.
When my children were younger, they thought I had more power than I really did, too. The teenage years are just a little mutated version of those earlier days. Of course, when they were preschoolers, I could do anything and everything–now it’s just the faulty, icky, troublesome things in the world that are somehow my fault!
I get that I’m just the closest, safest, toughest living creature who can be irrationally held responsible for all things wrong with the world–but, boy, am I looking forward to when a maturity level is attained where mom is no longer the bane of all things bad. My oldest daughter is nearly there, she rarely blames me for external factors (of course, there’s probably still years of therapy for all the reasons I’m to blame for character flaws, personality choices and other personal issues). Wouldn’t it be marvelous if I really did have as much magical control over all these elements in the world as my teenagers seem to need to think I do! Ah, the power, the purpose, the ability to take revenge and administer favors! But no, in reality, I’m just a woman with an inadequate water heater…
See Also: I’m Not Stupid, Mom! and Who Are You Supposed to Be Today? Teenagers and Identity