The initial response received from others when announcing that you are planning to adopt varies widely. I have heard the occasional “That’s wonderful!” And that’s nice. We’re not doing this for praise, but it is nice when others can be supportive; whether it’s the reason for doing something or not, everyone likes to get a positive response to news shared with friends and family.
However, what I most often hear, especially when we add that we are adopting teenagers, is more along the lines of “why?”… “Do you know how difficult that is going to be?”… “Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?!”
The simple answer to that question is… “Yes! We know what we’re getting ourselves into!” We’ve thought long and hard about this, we have taken the required classes, we have discussed extensively what we are ready and willing to take on.
I have always thought about adopting children. Even when I was a child myself I knew that there were children who needed homes and I wondered why more people didn’t take them in. As an adult now, I can help but believe that all children are worthy of loving, caring for, and protecting. The big question that everyone seems to want an answer to is why we have chosen teenagers.
Are teenagers less deserving of a family?
We know they have been through a lot, and we know that they may, most likely will, have some problems that will need to be dealt with. We know that they will have some emotional baggage; they will have been through some trauma and might have some wounds that will need to be healed. But doesn’t everybody?
I do worry sometimes about what difficulties will come our way. And, yes, I do sometimes wonder about the potential affect this could have on our own children. I am not naïve enough to believe that everything will be beautiful and wonderful, and I’d be lying if I said I had no concerns. I worry that my children will feel pushed aside because this child will most likely need more attention than they will. I worry that this child, who has been through so much in her own life, could possibly be a bad influence on my own children. I think about, and to some degree worry about, everything from which of my children will share a room with their new sister to whether their new sister will lead them into a life of drugs or crime.
We don’t use this worry as reasons to stop the process, though. We use this worry, and the knowledge that comes from thinking, researching, and discussing these *potentials*, to better prepare for when those potentials could become reality. We use all of the information at our disposal to inform ourselves on what to expect, and we will try and teach our children to be understanding of the needs of their new sibling. We use this knowledge as a reminder to not push our own children to the side, and we hope that our children will be understanding when their sister needs something. We try and teach them to appreciate what they have and keep in mind that we are trying to help someone who has not been so lucky in life.
Our children are excited about doing this, and we hope that in addition to gaining a new sister this can be a lesson in love, understanding, and compassion for them.
No matter what fears and worries I have, nothing stops me from believing that everyone deserves a loving family and a home to call their own. And that belief is strong enough to keep driving me forward.
You can never be fully prepared for everything, and it is entirely possible, probable even, that the child we bring into our home will throw some problems at us that we never expected, never considered, and that we are not entirely sure how to deal with. But, we’ll figure it out. Things tend to work themselves out, as long as you don’t give up.
As Crissy stated a few months ago in her post “Your children will find you”… and I hope she doesn’t mind me quoting her… “It takes all kinds of people to adopt all kinds of kids.” We feel that we are the kinds of people who can handle teenagers, and I believe they are just as deserving of a loving home as any other child.