When the decision was made by husband and me to adopt a child it really didn’t take us much time to decide that we wanted to adopt domestically. Now, I spent some time in the last week, knowing that I would be writing about our decision, thinking about the reasons why. What came to mind was the primary reason we adopted domestically was because we wanted to adopt a newborn.
I’m sure my husband and I are no different then many other couples who have found that they have infertility issues and then decide to adopt as a means to build a family. As a women, and even as a couple, when we began to try to conceive a child I began to dream and plan for a life with a newborn. I imagined baby showers, picking names, decorating the nursery. I prepared in my mind late nights without sleep, dirty diapers, and rocking our baby asleep in a rocking chair. Although, I was not going to have a biological baby I were not prepared it give up all of my dreams and planning. By choosing to adopt a newborn I could see those dreams become reality. This was true for my husband as well.
Another reason we choose Domestic Adoption over International Adoption was because we wanted to meet our baby’s birthmother or birthparents. We also wanted to be able to have a medical history and even a familial history to be able to share with our child when the day came that we may need that information. We were not afraid of having a relationship with our waiting child’s birthmother.
Also, although there is never a guarantee that one will have a healthy baby or one will know how their child will grow developmentally and emotionally, we wanted to be able to put the odds in our favor. We felt that there would be a greater risk if we were to choose to go through International or Foster Care. As an individual who has worked in the Social Services field and has experience with working with different populations, I have always been very emotionally sensitive when it comes to children who have special needs or who are developmentally disabled. It breaks my heart. I have so much admiration and respect for those, like my co-host Anna, who care and love these children. But, please don’t get me wrong, I know now if anything were ever happen to Connor where he were to become impaired in anyway, I would could never love him any less and I would find the strength to do what I needed to do to care for him.
Lastly, we wanted to adopt a baby who would most closely resemble my husband and me in terms of race and culture. As an individual mentioned in her comment in a previous post that I wrote, she her husband grieved the loss of their genetics when they found that they would not be able to have biological children. I think this is a very common piece of the grieving process for many infertile couples. By adopting domestically and deciding we wanted to adopt a Caucasian baby we felt again that we may not being giving up entirely on having a child who would feel every part of the family because for starters we would be of the same race, color, and culture. Again, I have much respect and high opinion for those who choose to adopt outside their race and culture despite the differences. On top of the challenges that are presented when adopting a child or baby one is also faced with the challenges of raising a child who is different from them. But yet the couple embraces the differences and accepts the responsibility of teaching their child about their culture.
What I have listed above is the primary reasons why we choose to adopt domestically. They’re some secondary reasons as well, but I will not go into them here in this post. In the end whatever way a couple or person decides to adopt it has to be right for them. You must be comfortable in your decision and recognize that it is a very personal decision and that everyone had different reasons for choosing the road in which they want their adoption journey to begin.