Private detectives and surveillance companies are cashing in on our insecurity. Most private detectives make their money by proving infidelity, and it is the number one reason for which they are hired.
Privacy in marriage is not a privilege, it is a right. Privacy in any area of your life is supposed to be guaranteed by law, although recent news articles would have us believing otherwise. You are not supposed to be monitoring your spouse’s computer session, that’s what passwords are for. If you want to know what your spouse is doing for hours on end when they are online, you could ask them, although in this house it’s more likely that he’s playing computer games than having a chat room affair or visiting porn sites. Probably in your house, too.
You do not any entitlement to know what your spouse is doing when they are alone, even if you think you do. Just because you are married doesn’t men that all of their business is your business. Constantly checking the history file of computer usage will tell you exactly where the last person logged on has been, but it’s a form of electronic surveillance, even if you don’t agree. It doesn’t guarantee you’ll come out on top, either; it’s easy to clear cookies and delete history files.
If you really think that your spouse is having an affair, though, it’s best to have some proof before you go making accusations which will ultimately destroy your relationship. Consider first why you think they are seeing someone else; are you really very insecure and jealous or are they exhibiting these signs:
Your spouse seems unusually bored with being at home or with you. This has to have gone on for a few months for you to be suspect, often people just get bored for awhile and there’s nothing to it.
Your spouse exhibits thrill seeking behavior.
They become disinterested in maters of the house, stop communicating with you, and gets very defensive about where they’ve been if you ask them. (Note, though, that if you ask them this a lot and they aren’t doing anything wrong, their defensiveness might be justified.)
Now there are some very telltale signs, like they all of a sudden start dressing better and caring about how they look, spend an unusual amount of time working late, or you find evidence that they are making purchases on the credit card that they can’t explain. Other than those, you should make absolutely sure you know what you are doing before confronting them.
As far as unreasonable spying goes, it’s wrong. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust, don’t be the one rocking a boat that it not in the water, you may drive them away with your petty jealousies and trite accusations. People have a right to their privacy, your children, your spouse, and you as well. Your family should be able to be open and honest about their lives, not secretive because you are judgmental and insecure.