I am hyper-responsible. I suppose if there was a recovery or 12-step group for oldest children/single parents who have developed into incredibly responsible adults, I would attend and hope that I could learn how to ease up a little. The truth is, I am the way I am—whether due to temperament or life circumstances–and it definitely influences the way I parent my three children. I cannot help but compare them to me and wonder if they will ever reach the same level of responsibility? Maybe they don’t HAVE to reach the same level but I entertain plenty of stress fussing about it!
In my daily work and personal life, I run into dozens of people who manage to get by just fine without being super-responsible. After all, there are always people like me to remind them, make up schedules, and carry an extra responsibility so others can be more slack, relaxed and, sometimes I think, happy. I do have enough self-awareness to realize that my organization and responsibility is NOT the only way to live. But, I do so wish my kids would take on some of it, so I’m not sending slackers out into the grown up world. I know that is totally MY THING and not theirs. And, as long as I am not covering for them and letting them sink or sail based on their own efforts, then I am not enabling irresponsibility either.
BUT, perhaps I’m being too rough on them and I do have unreasonable expectations. My over-responsibility should probably not be a template for everyone else. After all, they might not have to be solo parents (or get to) and they might not live lives that are similar to mine. With parents to help out with college and family and friends for support, my own children will likely not need to take on the same solo burdens that I have. I still can’t help but wonder if they will ever reach a level of responsibility where I will be able to relax and trust that they can handle anything and everything?
Also: Accepting Your Kids Just as They Are
Think of Childhood (and Parenthood) as a Journey
Letting Our Kids Live Their Own Lives