For Grandma and Grandpa, getting engaged was a no-brainer. He asked, she said yes. It was a low-key moment, probably just a few months before the actual wedding. There might have been a ring, but maybe not. The engagement ring wasn’t the thing – the wedding ring was.
The modern engagement is an entirely different story. In fact, it’s such a different story that it can be nearly grotesque the levels that a young couple are expected to go to in order to meet the Engagement Expectation. Before the wedding, before the huge ceremony that averages around $20,000 – the Engagement is the big deal that starts the whole shebang running.
High Stress Comes with High Expectations
With all the high expectations associated with getting engaged – it should hardly seem surprising that there is a lot of stress associated with it as well. The idea of marriage and engagement is powered by the popular culture vision in movies, television and more. Too many people have the idea that to get engaged and get married – they need to be perfect.
In order to be perfect, they need to create the perfect moment. They need to be original or super special – they need to make their bid for engagement. They want the moment to be so perfect that they can impress their potential spouse with their cleverness. It’s like, their entire relationship – everything that they love about each other – comes down to this one crucial event. Blow the engagement proposal by failing to get it exactly right and presenting the perfect ring and well – it’s all down hill from there.
Would it surprise you to learn that:
- theknot.com features an article on the 50 Ways to Propose (including buying billboard space that your potential fiancé will be driving past)
- That books like The Truth Behind the Rock details how a woman can get a man to propose with the perfect rock
- the average couple spends over a $1,000 on their engagement ring
- engagements and landing the perfect proposal are the major focus of a great deal of reality television
- engagements and weddings are the ultimate in commercialization for the materialists in us all
The sad condition of this is that our desperate desire to find perfect can leave couples with an unrealistic view of married life. After all, once you’ve achieved the perfect engagement and the idealized wedding – where does one go from there? Your relationship should never be boiled down to how spectacular the engagement was or whether there were footmen attending you at the wedding or a hundred pink rose petals littering the aisle where you walk.
Your relationship was there before he said the four little words and it will be there after she answers those four little words. So focus on that – and leave the dog and pony show for television and the movies.
How did your proposal go?