Several years ago, I was taught that wisdom is different from knowledge and understanding. I was told that wisdom is something that can only be learned individually through personal experience. This means that wisdom doesn’t come from a book or through information that someone else tells you—you have to learn, feel and experience some of life’s wisest lessons on your own. As a parent, it can be mighty tough to allow our children the space and support to develop their own lessons for wisdom.
I have often wondered what’s the point of my having learned so much and been through so many tough life lessons, if I can’t use those experiences to make me a better parent and to save my kids some of the same struggles? On paper, it seems like things should work that way. But, while my life lessons and my own fledgling attempts at wisdom can truly help me to be a better parent, they do not really take the place of my kids experiencing their own life lessons. In fact, we humans seem to be hard-wired to experience things for ourselves—and not take someone else’s experience as our own (even our parents’).
This does not give us license to tell our kids “I told you so” when they have come to their own conclusions about something that we tried to spare them from with our own tales of “wisdom.” In fact, this seldom (if ever) contributes anything positive to our communications with our children. If anything, our understanding that true wisdom is learned through individual challenges and very personal experiences should help us to support and encourage our kids on their quests to live their own, unique lives. After all, it is through life’s challenging experiences that they will become very wise adults!
See Also: Moral Challenges for Young Children and Learning to Make Amends