The majority of experts agree that putting aside whatever issues that helped the marriage to end in divorce and working with your children’s other parent is the most conducive to promoting emotional well being in your children.
I have met parents that have relationships with their ex’s that vary from friendly, openly hostile and in between. Being able to work through your differences and work together is the optimal way to reduce conflict and make the best out of a difficult situation. It is especially hurtful to children when the parents argue in front of them or let their distaste for one another be known at every possible opportunity. Healing needs to happen in order to create a healthy living situation. I heard recently that someone holding a grudge against another person is akin to someone drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Some pointers to remember when co-parenting your children:
•Never devalue the other parent by what you say to or about him or her in front of the children. Beware when talking on the phone about your ex-spouse, little ears might be listening.
•Try to keep the children’s best interests in mind when negotiating parenting time and other important matters.
•Be flexible-don’t demand your parenting time when there are special events or occasions that your child would like to attend. Ask the children what kind of arrangement they would like and try to accommodate reasonable requests.
•Make sure that all child support is paid on time and kept up to date.
•Communicate with the other parent especially about important changes in the child or things like parent/teacher conference dates.
•Try to set aside one-to-one time with each child, if possible without the siblings being present, so that they will have the opportunity to create special moments and bonds.
•Provide a stable as possible environment throughout the turmoil of the divorce.
•Children need parents to be role models, not friends.
•Even if it is difficult for you, try to encourage your child to have a meaningful relationship with the other parent.
•Ask for help. Create your own support network. Realize that you will make mistakes.
Remember that just because your relationship with your ex-spouse did not work out like you might have wanted it to, does not mean that both parents cannot have their own special relationship with each child.