I’m one of the lucky ones. My husband rides submarines. If he is ever shot at by an insurgent then something, as he is fond of saying, has gone horribly wrong.
But still, when you see the news and hear about someone’s husband, father, son, brother being killed or kidnapped by the enemy — an enemy who, unlike our military, has no qualms whatsoever about torturing and murdering prisoners — your heart breaks. I can see myself in that position. My husband is the love of my life; I have been in love with him since I was sixteen, even though I didn’t marry him until three years ago (in two weeks). I can’t imagine life without him.
It hit a little closer to home because the young men who were kidnapped on June 16 (and the one killed) are stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, part of the famous 101st Airborne. I’m from Kentucky and have been to Fort Campbell many times; for a while, my brother was stationed there. I know the streets these young men walked on.
So what do you do if your husband is in the line of danger?
First, seek out social support. There are always spouse organizations when military members are deployed, often formed from women whose husbands are in the same unit. National Guard and Reserves wives have a much tougher time finding these groups or attending them, but find out who your ombudsman is and see if you can get her to start an online group you can join. It can be immensely comforting to hear news from other wives, particularly if your husband isn’t one of the best letter writers out there.
Second, keep yourself busy. If you don’t work but find yourself frequently worrying about what’s going on over there, get some sort of part-time job, or volunteer at your child’s school. Start school yourself. Get more involved in church activities. Call up the USO and see if they need any help. The more useful you make yourself at home, the less time you have to worry about whether your husband is being shot at.
Third, if you’re having a lot of trouble — sleep disturbances, crying a lot two weeks or more after he left, mood changes — seek out professional help. For some women, having a husband suddenly deployed can trigger clinical depression, and there are treatments and drugs that will make you feel better.
Remember, your husband (or wife, sorry guys!) is over there to do a job; the most important thing in the world to him or her is your safety, health, and happiness, in that order. The most important thing you can do is reward your spouse by taking care of yourself.