Teenagers and trust issues just seem to go hand in hand. I remember my own teenage years and barking at my parents about why they didn’t “just trust me?” and having them confess again and again that I was not being a trustworthy person. Of course, the conversations and arguments were much more ragged than that, but I’m sure you can relate. Now, with my own teens, we definitely come up against the trust issues on a fairly regular basis.
There’s an ongoing dilemma that parents face when it comes to teens and trust–do we trust and hope for the best? Or do our kids need to earn the trust they receive from us? I imagine in reality it works out to be a little of both. I know that developmentally my kids are going to stumble and make mistakes and not always behave in the most trustworthy manner or make the right decisions–BUT, that doesn’t mean I should operate on the basic assumption that I cannot trust them. I think this just gets us locked into a vicious cycle. Not to mention, a teenager may be inclined to think that there’s nothing they can do to “earn” their parents’ trust anyway, so why even bother. We’ve all been there! Why try if it’s not going to be noticed or appreciated anyway?
So, I think it comes down to taking a chance and trusting our kids, then having the natural and logical consequences for when things go awry. I try to keep my eye on the big picture. Especially this late in the childhood game when we are really focused on launching these teenagers into the tough world of adulthood. I want to maintain a solid relationship based on trust and love regardless of how bumpy things get or how many mistakes they make in these teenage years. So, while I’m not always feeling like I can trust them to make the decisions I would make–I’m trying to let them know that I DO believe in them and trust that eventually they will make the right decisions.
See Also: Who’s Side Are You On Mom?! and I’m Not Stupid, Mom!