You’ve heard the old joke: If you don’t yell at your kids, then you aren’t spending enough time with them.
Well, parenting experts aren’t laughing at that one.
Regardless, it isn’t stopping frustrated moms and dads from raising their voices when their kids misbehave.
Nine years ago, a study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family, found that 88 percent of nearly 1000 parents interviewed admitted shouting, yelling or screaming at their children in the previous year. That percentage jumped to 98 percent in families with 7-year-old children.
Today, that number has barely budged. Recent polls show that parents yell just as much as they did in 2003, and they don’t make excuses for doing so. In fact, most moms and dads rationalize that raising their voice is not nearly as harmful as raising their hands to their kids.
Unfortunately, those so-called parenting experts don’t agree. Leading child psychologists maintain that words yelled in anger can have as harmful an impact as spanking. Doctors refer to this type of anger-fueled shouting, which includes insults and threats, as “psychological aggression.”
Researchers at Pennsylvania State University found that the children, who are constantly screamed at when they become unruly, are at higher risk for depression, irritability, anger and hostility.
So, if shouting is just as bad as hitting, then what should you do to get your child to behave? Experts recommend the following:
Create well-defined rules, such as no hitting, pushing, shoving, swearing, teasing or insulting others. Post the rules in your home and make sure your children understand all of them.
Reward good behavior and dole out reasonable consequences for bad behavior. If your children fail to comply with your house rules, don’t react by screaming. Rather, firmly point out what they did wrong and follow through with the punishment.
If you feel like your blood is boiling and you are seconds away from blowing up, step away from your child and cool off for a few minutes. When you have calmed down, speak to your child in an acceptable tone and volume.
Finally, remember that respect begets respect. If you want your child to behave respectfully, avoid having a massive meltdown that you will regret later. Instead, model the type of behavior you want your children to mimic when they get angry.