I have had several years to work through my divorce, my former relationship and getting used to being a single parent. This passing of time has influenced my being able to write so many blogs and articles about co-parenting and keeping connected in a sane way with all aspects of a child’s family. I do not want anyone to think I am a saint, however, and in all fairness I must confess that I can still get angry, frustrated and aggravated in trying to deal with my child’s other parent and trying to make our divorced family work…
I still get triggered with things that my children’s other parent does (or more often, does NOT do), and I can still get mad when I have to pick up pieces, solve problems, and clean up messes that generated at the “other house.” My kids know that they can count on me regardless and even though I am glad to have been able to be this sort of mom, I still wish that my kids did not have to go through some of the things they do. All that said, I still grumble occasionally, stomp around and furrow my brow. I definitely still get angry and to be honest, I think that is both normal and healthy. The trick is to manage that anger in a healthy way and not do something that will make things worse.
It is unfair to expect perfection. That is just too much unreasonable pressure to put on ourselves and our situation. I am quite certain there are happy, pleasant divorces and people who say they are “best friends” with their exes or co-parent, but I also think that most of us single parents don’t really have that sort of circumstance. For most of us, there is history, baggage, disappointments, tension and, yes, occasionally, anger. Instead of pretending that those things don’t exist for us, we can learn how to process, manage and let go so that we can be present and available for our kids.
Also: What do You do with Anger and Frustration?
Anger isn’t License for Disrespect