There are so many messages we parents want to impart to our children—many of us set out with very clear ideas about the sort of parents we want to be from the very beginning, while others of us figure out our parenting personae as we go along. With all the tasks and trials of parenting to worry over, I do think if we send them no other message, the message of unconditional love and support is the most important.
I realized a year and a half or so ago, when my middle daughter was going through a rough time that the only thing that really and truly mattered was that I stand by her. I remember hearing her say, “I know when I get through this that you will be there, Mom” and it spoke volumes to me about what my role was—she needed to know that she could count on me no matter what!
More than being the disciplinarian or the provider of food and warmth, more than being wise and even doing those extra volunteer projects at the schools—our children need to know that we are in their court and we can be counted on to be there when they need us regardless of whether we agree with their choices, or regardless of what else is going on in our own lives at the time.
I also like to think that being dependable, supportive and unconditional can make up for other mistakes I might make! I might not always say the wisest and most appropriate thing, and I might occasionally lose my temper or forget something I was supposed to remember. But I hope that if my kids know that they can count on me, in the long run all those other bloopers will be forgotten.
Also: Sometimes Personal Stories Help…And Sometimes They Don’t
Sometimes Guidance Must Be Subtle
The Role of Adaptation in Parenting