Not every divorce and single-parent family situation is a smooth, casual arrangement. In fact, some of the most functional divorce, custody, and co-parenting situation actually have a fair amount of structure to them. It may be necessary to put contracts, written agreements and established meeting times (and rules) in place in order to create a good working relationship between parents and families in the aftermath of a divorce or separation (or in the instance of unmarried or partnered co-parents.)
Using contracts and written agreements is NOT a sign of failure. In fact, it is actually a very responsible and adult way to work out the details of a shared custody arrangement. The more specific and detailed your arrangements are, it may help to alleviate some of the problems and pitfalls that many single parent families wrestle with. Even if you do have written parenting and custody agreements as part of your divorce or separation—it may be necessary to revisit those documents periodically to make sure they are current and represent what is going on with the children as they grow and lives change.
Additionally, having a set meeting time and place, and providing rules and expectations for how those meetings will be conducted (whether between parents, grandparents, children and parents, etc.) can also provide structure for a functional working relationship. If you and your child’s other parent agree to meet once a week, or once a month to discuss parenting issues, this will help to alleviate unwanted e-mails or phone calls and help set very clear boundaries around the new family structure.
If you cannot draw up written agreements and contracts on your own, don’t hesitate to have your attorney or facilitator help you with this project. Having good, solid, written guidelines can be just what some families need to create a healthy, functional arrangement in the aftermath of a separation or divorce.
See Also: Expectations of the Ex-spouse as a Single Parent and Setting and Keeping Firm Boundaries