There is always a recurring theme in my blogging it seems. I am a Mom. And, I often feel inadequate. Today has been one of those days. I woke up super grouchy due to my baby waking me at 4:15 am, the toddler waking me at 5:45 am, and my “big girl” waking me up at 6:45 am. Needless to say, I was not happy with anyone. I managed to get my girl out the door to Kindergarten and gave her a big hug before she left and told her I loved her. I hope she remembers that instead of the grouchiness. Then, I accidentally burned my 3 year old while making him some oatmeal with one hand (because I was holding the fussy baby). The hot water poured out on his leg. Just a little, and he is fine, but I felt awful. Just a couple of hours later, he unknowingly got revenge as he locked my keys, diaper bag, and phone in the car when he proudly shut the door for me in the library parking lot. I wasn’t paying attention as I was trying to strap the baby on to me in the baby bjorn. It has not been the best Mommy day for me.
When you have a baby, the feelings of inadequacy don’t stop. Even though my 4 month old is my third child, I can’t help but think, “Why can’t I get him to sleep?” and “Why can’t I fix his tummy troubles?” or, “Am I giving him enough attention or is he sitting in his swing way too much?” Other thoughts can creep in like I should be feeding him all organic food, or breastfeeding until he’s three, or carrying him in a sling as I do my chores. The list can go on and on.
Here’s a simple solution to all the self-doubt. STOP! (And I’m mostly saying this to myself, not you)
I know. Easier said than done.
I read an article that lifted my baby blues spirits today. It can be found here, written by April Perry. It’s making it’s way around facebook and all of Mommy cyberspace pretty quickly today. Since it was written yesterday, it has 70,000 likes on facebook. It is all about stopping the comparisons and embracing yourself the way your children see you. As their Mom. As the person that they love and adore and probably want more time with more than anyone else in the world.
Through the eyes of a baby, we are perfect. Remember my post yesterday? My little guy thinks I’m amazing. And, when I look into his eyes, I see a little glimpse of my amazingness. Yet, the doubt creeps back in all too quickly as the voice in my head tries to tell me something different.
But, in reality, your little baby, will one day grow up to be your big baby. He will see imperfections in you as he gets older and more aware, and may not hold you on such a high pedestal as he does as an infant. But, you are still his Mom. You can still make all the hurt go away, and you are still someone who is always there for him at the end of the day. So, give yourself a break. When the crying won’t stop, don’t think about how you are failing, think about how you are trying your best.
Here is my favorite take away quote from the article, “There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?
Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else….Your Children Want You!”
Might I add that all your baby wants is you too. And, that is something that you can always give.