When I sat down to write this blog, I realized it might be controversial, but it was actually spurred by things that my nearly-grown teens remind me of—they remind me that while I am a single parent and my household is a single parent household, they still have two parents. And, regardless of whether things work out equally or both parents are equally involved in their lives, they are still influenced by and a reflection of, both parents.
I know that not all single parent families are formed by divorce. But, unless you have chosen to give birth or adopt a child completely independently as the solo parent, chances are good that there is another parent out there somewhere and your child feels some sort of connection to him or her—regardless of whether you think that is a fine idea or not. I think it is important that we somehow find a way to make room for that other person’s existence and presence in our child’s life—otherwise, we are denying a part of our child.
Nobody promised it was going to be easy—as a matter of fact, when I look back over my years as a single parent (both before and after the divorce), staying civil and inclusive has been one of the tougher things I may EVER have to do. While I still feel completely on my own as my kids’ parent, I have had to learn to accept that there is someone else who they think of equally as a parent. As a grown up, we have to separate our issues from what is best for our kids. Even if the other parent isn’t involved, or is not capable of being involved or appropriate as a daily figure in our child’s life, we still have to find a way to acknowledge and appreciate the role and relationship that person has to our child and to our family.
Also: Working to Heal Old Wounds
Reassuring a Child After Divorce