Family First—so many of us are very dedicated to our families and when it comes to the role that our children play in our lives, we build the rest of our lives around providing for our children. It is normal to expect that our children will also put family at the center of their lives. When children are young, it can seem pretty obvious that the family is everything but even young children have other attachments too. Nurturing and cultivating those other healthy attachments is something we can do as parents to help our children experience more love, more security, and gain the confidence and self-esteem necessary to lead happy lives. As much as we may want to keep them all to ourselves, allowing and encouraging other attachments is good for our kids.
Your child’s attachment to grandparents may come to mind and in most cases, we can see what a great thing this is. Our children have other attachments, however, and as they grow older, they will have even more personal attachments outside the family unit—teachers, friends, coaches, and eventually boyfriends/girlfriends and love interests. It can be so tough to let go and see the value in these attachments, especially when we feel slighted as parents. The day that your child runs off, ignoring you, to be with someone else can be heartbreaking—but it is a necessary step in healthy development.
As parents, we can nurture attachment to family and be ‘big enough’ to allow other influences as well. Think of it this way—the more friends and activities that your spouse or partner has in addition to you and family, chances are the more interesting person he or she is—it gives you some things to talk about and share and compare. Our children need the richness and variety that other people and personal attachments have to offer too—even if family is very important!