I’ve written before about lifebooks, books about foster or adoptive children which show the continuity of their history from birth, through each residence and caregiver until they arrive at their permanent home. Family storybooks are another tool for bonding in adoptive families. This term is used in two slightly different ways. One type of family storybook is a book which is designed to give children an overview of their new home and family. In some cases it may also serve as an overview presented to the state foster care workers or committee reviewing the family’s application. (Some couples looking to adopt a baby also prepare their portfolio, which birthmothers review when selecting families, in scrapbook form. In this case the intended audience is the birthmother, whereas family storybooks are usually written with children in mind.)
A second use of the family storybook is to tell the story of how the family came to be. Unlike a lifebook, the focus of the family storybook is the whole family, including adults. It talks about the family growth by talking about each time a family member joined. While everyone’s book will vary, such a family storybook might begin with a picture of the family home and a short introduction. Then there might be a page for each parent, with a picture of that person and perhaps pictures of their family of origin and a home where they grew up. A story might be told of how the parents met and decided to marry, perhaps accompanied by a wedding picture. Then there could be an account of the birth or adoption of each child, including how the parents decided to pursue adoption and perhaps including photocopies or birth and/or adoption certificates if that information does not need to remain confidential. Then there would be some journaling about each family member’s personality, talents and gifts, favorite things, things other family members appreciate about him or her, etc. In my own case, I might have a small-size map showing where different members of the family were born, showing the three different states where my husband, son and I were born as well as our daughters’ country of birth. I will also have pictures of our church, because my three children were baptized at the church where my husband and I were married. Part of our church’s marriage rite asked if we would accept children lovingly as a gift from God and raise them, and our baptismal rite included promises by parents to raise and teach these particular children. My intent is to show that our family may not be built by blood, but it is built by vows, just like our marriage is built by the choice of two people not related by blood to take vows. One advantage of the family storybook, for two-parent families, is that including the parents’ meeting and choosing to form a family shows the children that other people, including their parents, have left one household and formed another based on commitment and not blood ties.
Extended family and neighborhood or church communities could potentially be included in the family storybook, although I would add one caution. My belief is that the book should be about the forever family, so I would be hesitant to include cousins who are not seen often or friends who do not have the commitment level of family and may or may not always be in the child’s life. For adult siblings, I would add their childhood pictures in the order they joined the family, then perhaps later in the book, after all the family members have been added and described, a picture of where they live now and a picture of them together with the larger family at an activity or celebration. We have had exchange students who have helped with childcare and been an important part of our family’s life. I haven’t decided if I will just have them in other albums (yearly photo albums or scrapbooks, for example) or if I will have a page in the back of the family storybook titled “people who have loved our family” or something like that. While the goal of an exchange program is to have a family-like experience, we have tried to avoid actually calling them family in front of the children because we do not want our adopted children to have the idea that family can go away, and while I know we will always have contact, I cannot be sure how frequent that contact will be once these students return to their home countries and grow up.
While children should have a lifebook acknowledging their birth, birth relatives, and other living situations which have shaped them, a family storybook, I believe, promotes a sense of belonging in the family and takes shifts focus from the child’s adoption situation to the child’s status as a family member.
See these related blogs:
Family Books: Part of the State Home Study and Attachment Parenting.
One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Child: a Lifebook
Getting Started: Basic Scrapbooking Supplies Part One
Getting Started: Basic Scrapbooking Supplies Part Two