In the last article I discussed how much of the fighting that takes place between two mates occurs due to control issues. In many cases, the situation that the couples are discussing or arguing over is only the lead to an issue over who can control who.
In other cases, couples are not fighting over control but over feelings. Through communication, we constantly give signals of how we feel. Some of those signals are verbal and some are nonverbal.
We communicate through our posture, facial expressions, eye contact, facial expressions, touch, and words. Through these signals we can give off signs of warmth, acceptance, coldness, indifference, anger, love, and so on.
When some fights occur they are based on how we feel about each other or ourselves at the time. Many fights occur because we are upset or angry with each other and not directly due to the issue being discussed.
Through our arguments we let each other know that we do not like the way the other is acting at the time.
Because of our feelings, there are times when things bother us more than they normally would. For example your mate may come home late for supper many nights and you not make a comment about it. However when you are having bad or negative feelings, the lateness may bother you more and you begin to fight over it. So are you really upset because your mate is late or because of your feelings over other issues?
Determining exactly what is causing the problem can be very helpful to your relationship. Identifying your feelings and relaying them to your mate can also be helpful. If you have had a bad day at work it may be best to let your mate know that you are not in a good mood right from the beginning. This way if an argument does occur then you and your mate can be aware that there is more to the fight than the issue being discussed.
Arguments: Are Yours Good or Bad?