Children with special needs often have developmental delays which may cause them to be more immature than their peers. Mental retardation, autism, and various learning disabilities can create a noticeable gap between a child’s developmental age and his or her actual age. For example, an eight-year-old girl with Down Syndrome might be fixated on carrying a tattered baby blanket. Or a boy on the autism spectrum who is ten might want to wear a Barney T-shirt. It’s a good idea for parents to help guide their special kids into behaviors which are more age-appropriate.
Does “age appropriate” really matter?
I think it does:
- A child who is involved in activities that other kids her age have long since outgrown is socially isolating herself. She is less likely to fit in with peers. Children her age might find her behaviors embarrassing or awkward. And a boy or girl who doesn’t fit in with peers is less likely to adapt in society as an adult.
- Academically, a child tends to do better when he is kept on course with his peers cognitively and socially. He will benefit from understanding what other kids his age are learning about, talking about, and what interests them.
- A child who is involved in activities which are inappropriate for her age can often be stigmatized. If her disability isn’t physically obvious, the immature behavior will be the tip-off. Outsiders might make assumptions about your son or daughter that could limit her.
How can I redirect my child toward behaviors that are age-appropriate?
- If you aren’t sure, find out what other children his age are doing, wearing, saying etc. Find a niece, nephew, or a friend’s child who is your son or daughter’s age and preferably the same sex. Spend some time talking to him or her and ask about interests and hobbies. Your son or daughter’s teacher (in a mainstream classroom setting) or a parent of a child the same age might also have suggestions.
- Avoid buying toys or clothing that are designed for a younger child. Most toys have age recommendations on the outside of the package. Try to follow current styles when selecting clothing. (See my blog: “Don’t Let Your Special Needs Teen be a Fashion Reject!”) If your daughter (or son) begs for toys that are beneath her developmental age, try to do your shopping when she’s not there.
- Find similarities and slowly transition. If your son loves a cartoon train program, you might help him transition to books and programs about real trains. Model trains might be a good gift idea. If your daughter carries a baby doll, you could help her transition to Barbie dolls who are dancing, rollerskating, or playing sports, and then transition her to participate in these activities.
- Don’t force the issue. Remember that it takes time to redirect behaviors, and that your child may have a difficult time. Be patient, but also realize that you have a greater ability to influence your child than anyone else. Of course, a severely disabled child may need comfort objects and other things her typical peers wouldn’t use. Use your best judgement.
In one of my early blogs, I wrote about an occasion where I described to my son’s teacher how a chart with smiley faces had helped him with problem behaviors. She looked at me square in the eye. “This is junior high school,” she said. “We don’t use smiley faces here.” I was terribly embarrassed. Without realizing it, I had been babying my son because of his autism. I think we do this sometimes when we parent special kids, and it’s always good to reevaluate.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.