Do things seem to run in cycles in your relationship? I’m not talking about actual cycles, like PMS for example, I’m talking about something a bit more difficult to pinpoint. Do you see patterns in your marriage, such as times when you feel that you and your spouse are really on the same page, followed by days or even weeks of feeling distant?
I have noticed certain patterns or cycles in different relationships, including my own, and I think it helps to identify them. It took me a long time to figure it out, but my parents were always impatient with each other around the first of the month. As I got older, I realized that was because it was when most of the bills came due, and they were always struggling to keep up.
Different things set different people off, but we have to guard against allowing outside influences and demands create distance between our spouses and us. Taking financial problems out on each other does not do anything to relieve those problems and it doesn’t make either spouse feel better. Instead, we should try to recognize the events that tend to trigger our responses, and try to work on those problems together.
There are of course good cycles as well. Some people feel especially close to one another for long periods of time after making love or taking time to do something together as a couple. It’s the letdown phase that comes later, which can sometimes pose problems. The easy answer is to make love or spend time together more often! Such solutions are not always possible or practical, however, so we need to be aware of the highs and lows as well as what causes them.
Do you recognize cycles in your marriage? How do you deal with them?
Also See:
Marriage Tips: You Can’t Take It Back
Three Tips: Reconnect with Your Spouse